Funniest Election Manifesto

Ladies and gentleman we are gathered here today not to burry anyone and still not to celebrate anything. The reason being, a government that makes too many promises and choke at the end. Their answer is always, apartheid got us into this mess.


Apartheid is dead and buried, even forgot it was ever on our land. This is a time for change, and I cannot be the change that all of us want if you are not part of that process. I call upon on all the comrades and cadres of this New Movement Party to mobilize and intensify the war against corruption.

Corruption can only be eradicated through nationalization of Common Sense, in that regard our planning committee has drawn up a non-discriminatory policy called Common Sense Empowerment. It is a known fact that some people especially in government have been deprived of this for too long. Black Economic Empowerment is not enough in enriching the lives of the masses, we must add CSE to uplift the lives of the currently disadvantaged so they also one day will be the “Previously Disadvantaged”

Cadres of the revolution the mission is on the table, we are moving. I have heard of those who are calling for the nationalization of mines have you had of what else they are calling for? The nationalization of people’s wives! “Sharing is caring” that’s their tag line. Though this policy is good but it’s bad, if you vote for our movement this move will be decided upon by vote because we believe in majority.

Then there are those who want to reduce alcohol hours in Gauteng, have you heard there are thinking of increasing prices even more. If you vote us, when Vasco da Gama wins the league you will have a month full of free braai and a shower of green bottled water.

I hereby categorically declare that we shall not make any excuses that you already know or have heard before. We are academics and we will be more creative with our non-delivery excuses. All Sunday School graduate need to be honored, these days its difficult even kids by their way to graduation. That’s how rife corruption is in our peripheries.

Contrary to popular belief when a leader steals from the poor and the media exposes that then a journalist will be called a “counter revolutionary” racist. Well we will have a fancy word and like Sniffer Dog and we have to make this public now to avoid having a monkey hanging on our back like the head of police, in our case it would be a dog.

Marriage shall be made any obligation and every woman deserves a man atleast so when a man dates more than 6 he shall be arrested and castrated. Our policy of Affirmative Dating is here to ensure that all women are empowered with a man this follows our planning committee’s findings that there is a massive shortage for man.

All week days shall be declared soapie days of which every man will massage their women as they watch a soapie, except when there is football then women must massage their men while watching football or whatever sport is on tv. Weekends are non-negotiable; the remote is for the man. This is called Equality, we are equalizing the rights now. We might have failed Maths but equalizing things is our specialty.

Giving a police officer money to avoid an expensive ticket shall be classified as empowering the under paid or rather our government shall recognize that as a way of thanking the limb of the law for a job well done in spotting you doing the wrong. I hear that there are people who bribe others for tenders and they call it speeding up the service delivery process, well we will have a minimum amount and maximum that you can bribe any government work with depending on how poor they look.

Thank you

Dear Failure

I hereby write this letter to inform you that i have made the biggest decision ever.

So big yet no so popular decision that you and not even fortune tells can vision. I don't know why i had to make it but i made it anyway.

It may be difficult for you to swallow but hey sorry you gotta pay. They say life is unfair ,well it will always be if you don't want to share. By the way its not like i care.

You spend your days and nights watching if i would fail so you can raise your tail. I hate your compliments because the give me no challenge. You told me that the sky is the limit, ooh i dont believe you dammit.

I aim for the moon so that if i miss it i simply fall among the stars. I am not afraid to take you head on. Dark or light ,rainy or dry am get you down and gone.

I wanted to write a poem

I so wanted to a write a poem today
A poem to remind you and i of that day
Words just do want to come forth
All thas coming is mine breath
I so wanted to write a poem
A poem about our home

You know what?
No, never mind
I feel blunt and blind
My pen is out of ink
I wanted to write a poem

This tv is disturbing me
So does the sound of drunk neighbour
Let alone his loud dog
Maybe i should but get a frog

I wanted to write a poem
This is not a serenade
Not even a sonnet
I will write tomorrow then

It Takes Dog Food To Attract Dogs...

I made a convenant that i shall forever hold my peace or else i would risk being branded a mysoginist. It would be irresponsible of me to keep this to myself while i watch them moan and groan. I would like to apologise for what i haven't said and what am about to say. I am sorry i took all this long to puke on you egos.

I hear it daily in taxis ,buses and trains, "Men are dogs"!! Heavens forbid i am yet to see any man with a tail,yes we are are hair but not fury. Dearest sisters ,dogs are attracted by dog food that you apparrel your selves in. If you want to attract sheep then be the grass, a dog eats grass when things are tough and its survival of the fittest.

Ladies i hear you say men have no emotions ,where the hell did you hear ,see or read that? The thing is you tend to involve your heart in everything. Somethings are meant only for the brain only.

They say ashes to ashes ,dust to dust but i will say thoughts to brains and feelings to the heart. Learn to take the truth , i mean the real truth not what you want to hear.

Men have emotions and its a pink lie that we good at hiding them. The thing is we know how to seperate our thoughts from our feelings. Our hearts are fragile and we know it ,so we make sure we hold them like eggs.

Some women say ,men are foolish. Goodness me, the most foolish person is the who gets attracted to a foolish.

What My Eyes Saw and EAR

The Rainbow Nation: The Legendary Jabulani's Emotional Farewell

Goal.com's Clyde Tlou gives his take on happenings in South Africa.

By Clyde Tlou

Jul 12, 2010 9:10:00 AM

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Nelson Mandela With Danny Jordaan and Jerome Valcke (Nelson Mandela FoundationDebbie Yazbek)

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There is nothing quite like a bit of local flavour, and this is what we have for you with this blog from Clyde Tlou, Pretoria resident and opinionated youngster - catch some of his personal views here...

12 July 2010

It has been a long journey starting from June 11 and eventual coming to a climax yesterday on June 11, 2010, I am simply lost for words to describe such an occasion that has graced our shores.

With the World Cup curtain having finally came down I have promised myself that I will keep away from the vuvuzela and Jabulani debates. I hereby borrow words from former South African President Thabo Mbeki’s famous speech titled “I am an African”.

Where to begin, I am Jabulani.

I owe by being to the world and the continents, the countries and the cities, the provinces, the stadiums, the stands, the pitch and the ever-changing seasons that define the face of the beautiful game. My body bouncing off the hands of Robert Green and through the gloves of many goalkeepers except for Uruguay’s Luis Suarez's bare hands. It was thawed in the hot machines of Germany, rolled on the pitches of South Africa and slammed by analysts in the studios expect for the legendary Octopus Paul.

The crack and the rumble of the Samba tumbled, lashed by startling lightening speed of the Dutch and glorified by the sounds of my unwanted colleague, the vuvuzela. All have been a cause both of trembling and of hope that this World Cup will change football landscapes and lives of the people through 1Goal, education for all.

I am Jabulani, and Jo'bulani.

Yesterday was probably my last day on the pitch. It was really emotional having to go past the Dutch goalkeeper last. I have Iniesta to thank for giving me the last kick into the nets. I had been yearning to wrap myself around the net and say my good byes. It was really emotional, I loved South Africa and I wish to stay here for much longer through the Premier Soccer League Season.

I would like to apologise to Robbert Green for making him the laughing stalk of the tournament and Fernando Torres who pulled a muscle chasing the speedy me. I am proud that out of my artistry new stars were born ranging from Dede Ayew, Mesut Ozil and Thomas Mueller. Hope we meet again, for now I am legend and I will be predicting scores in the next World Cup with Octopus Paul.

5 July 2010

Certainly not the Hand Of God but the Hand Of The Devil by Uruguay’s Luis Suerez has done its best to shutter our World Cup Dream, not just for Ghana but for Africa as a whole. The Black Stars of Africa wept on the pitch while the continent cried a river too.

It's time the rules are revisted and remodelled for such cases, FIFA should simply say if a player does what Suerez did on the goal line then that is counted as a goal, simple as that. The culprit should then get a red card as punishment to avoid having 11 goalkeepers on the pitch, which would simply make our beautiful game into an ugly spectacle.

If Uruguay goes on to win the World Cup, perhaps there are plans to erect statues of their two heroes Luis Suerez and Asamoah Gyan. For me Gyan is a strong character. After missing that crucial penalty anyone else would have died of a heart attack, but he kept his chin up and took the first kick of the shoot outs. I say bravo to the young man. As for John Mensah, my goodness was that a backpass? Because it was certainly not a penalty, it lacked power and was a huge disappointment.

I must say this World Cup has been great. The goals are flowing now and teams are starting to play an open game. I was really shocked by the Germany - Argentina result, not that Diego Maradona’s men were beaten, but because the Mesut Ozil inspired side score only 4 goals when they could have got a dozen.

The refereeing has been terrible though, but the match officials are also human and they make mistakes, which fans and the receiving team are forced to forget with a simple, sorry word from FIFA. Sepp Blatter and his office have finally “opened doors for the technology debate” but my question is how long will the teams continue to suffer the injustices of refereeing? The men in black do need the aid of video replays at times, the same way their cricket and rugby counterparts do.

Why can’t democratic values be applied in football? This autocratic way of running the game by protecting match officials will kill the game. All I am asking for is that, since FIFA refuses to agree with England and Ireland’s call for a video official then let's meet half way. In politics which of course is a dirty game, if they don’t agree they reach a compromise, so in the beautiful game let's try it too.

All am asking for is that FIFA should avail referees for a post match conference to account for their decisions. As journalists we are left to guess what the match official was thinking when writing for our readers and our thoughts are always different, we are humans too after all.

Players and coaches are forced to account for their team's performance in a room packed with journalists and bouncers at the door making sure only those with the right credentials to enter the room. Why can’t the same apply for match officials? Get them to answer question that we are left guessing answers for. FIFA is refusing to comment on the dubious decision, but I am sure the decision makers would be more than willing to answer their critics.

25 June 2010

What a World Cup are the words that come to mind after yesterday’s “shock elimination”of Italy. This means that the 2010 showpiece continues without the host nation, defending champions and of course the losing finalists of the last tournament held in Germany.

South Africa, Italy and France are all out, Uruguay and Paraguay were just outstanding maybe its time we as the country change our name. Who knows it could change our footballing fortunes too, I just love the way the Latin Americans are doing it on the pitch. “South Africa” is just a geographical location so lets try “Souruguay” in 2014 and see where that will take us or maybe “South Afrigentina”.

At the post match conference in Ellis Park Marcello Lippi couldn’t stop apologising for a dismal showing the Italy coach's charges displayed here in South Africa. He reiterated that he takes full responsibility for not “training the team enough, mentally, tactically and physically”. All I can say is that when it's not your day its not your day, it is visible that luck does exist in football.

Slovakia were and are still my bet for the underdogs that will cause many upsets going to the final. To show my affiliation with them I even changed my facebook name to Clydeslav Slyde Tlouvic, they caused an upset and trust me more are still to come.

Tonight I am at Loftus stadium, where Spain are taking on Chile and in a casual chat with the SABC TV Commentator Sizwe Mabena believes Chile will cause an upset, not just in this game but in the tournament generally. Lets wait and see if the man popular for his, “Yeeeessss” shout when a goal is scored has what they call the commentator’s curse.

23 June 2010

We did not qualify to the next round, but we beat France and also finished in third position above the 2006 World Cup losing finalists. Beating Raymond Domenech’s charges is exactly what the whole country wanted, the sounds of the vuvuzela made a welcome return in our neighbourhoods.

Now the question is why did Bafana Bafana decide to save the best for last? In the opening game a family tragedy denied the boys some Madiba Magic. This was after former President Nelson Mandela was forced to withdraw his visit to Soccer City for the opening game because a car accident had robbed his family of a member. We played a draw against Mexico without the Madiba Magic.

Prior to the Tuesday game against France, the team was treated to some Jordan Magic. Yes indeed the Chief Executive Officer of the Local Organising Committee Danny Jordaan visited the team and gave them a pep talk.

“What happens in Tuesday’s match is what this country will remember. You must not dwell on what happened before. We can do nothing about what happened in the past.

Sometimes, in life and even football, we have days where nothing works. You have had that day. As players you will remember the first moments and the last moments when you are on the field. You gave us an incredible first moment.” he was quoted on Supersport.

Indeed the boys gave us an incredible first moment and an incredibly great final moment. Maybe if we had that Jordaan Magic in the game against Uruguay we would be talking a different story today, and relishing a second round spot.

22 June 2010

I woke up in a place that said to me I can be who I want to be as long as I have the zeal and belief that I need. Today as South Africa takes on France my message to the boys is simple, it's all in your hands. My bad, I meant it's all in your feet we are not playing Ireland remember its the Les Bleus. One thing is for sure, it will be very difficult but not impossible.

It was back in 1998 when we made our World Cup debut and France gave us a baptism of fire, 3-0 was the scoreline but they were in their home country. Now it is in our own backyard, with the most passionate fans of Bloemfontein, they call it the City of Roses but there won’t be any roses for the French today.

21 June 2010

Sometimes one should keep things as simple as possible and in this piece of writing I am not going to use the dictionary of football writing that I possess deep in the hard drive of my head. The antivirus is working so what I am going to say is surely clean and has no deliberately misleading motives.

I woke up this morning and thought I should just define this World Cup in one word, and the first word that came to my mind was 'shocking'. Indeed it is shocking how the 2006 World Cup champions and losing finalists have performed.

I said we are keeping things simple this time. Italy in a single word can be described as 'Jittery'. France, after the way they have been performing and behaving, will be described as 'Fragile'.

Now let me leave it to you to describe the tournament in one word and also each participating team. Think about it, only a single word folks...

20 June 2010

Saturday June 19 should be declared “The Day Of Two Nics” and be added on the calender of all footballing nations as a day to remember concerning the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Yesterday was a day of happiness for Nicklas Bendtner and doom for Nicholas Anelka. Of course the latter means a bit of hope for South Africa as we will be facing France on Tuesday in our final game of the group. As I write this today is Father's Day and I must say I would be a proud son if Bendtner was my dad and of course a not so proud one if I was born of Anelka, as he has shown no respect to someone’s father.

Nicholas Anelka was sent home for his alleged indecency, and then he immediately announced his retirement from international football. Come on buddy , you know you don’t mean that as you will be returning to the French colours when Raymond Domenech’s contract ends and somebody takes over, right? Even our very own Benni McCarthy once retired from international football after he had be accused of cooking up a players uproar in demand of reasonable bonuses.

He later made a return when South Africa hired coach Carlos Alberto Parreira, I bet with the last penny in my pocket Anelka will be announcing his return to international football again.

Bendtner scored a goal that started the vanishing act of an African dream but never the less African kids love you and even gave you the nickname Ben 10 after a favourite cartoon hero.

Cameroon ,Cameroon, Cameroon! How many times did I call you? Three. Correct, that means you really disappointed the whole continent after the people had come out in numbers to support you at Loftus. Now just do yourselves a favour and win the last game so we can have at least some of the lost pride back, and the same goes for you Bafana Bafana - six goals against France is a mountain to climb. One thing for sure, it is very difficult but not impossible.

19 June 2010

Wayne Rooney, the best striker in the world according to those who are emotionally attached to the sometimes-unruly striker. Well the man or rather let me say the boy, because of the way he has been behaving on the pitch of play is firing blanks in terms of goals but his mouth is surely firing on all cylinders, if only the form of his mouth could translate to his feet he would be challenging for the World Cup Golden Boot.

Thank goodness football microphones on the pitch side are not like those in used in cricket. Fans do not get to hear the abuse that opposition players and the referee in particular have to endure for 90 minutes.

I bet if those microphones could capture the utterance from Rooney’s mouth then parents could be forced to send their kids out of the house during day matches and to bed during night games involving England. If Rooney was a movie, I wonder what would the age restriction for his audience be.

I was really disturbed to read about Rooney lashing at England supporters for booing him and his team mates. Listen here Wayne, fans pay to watch you play good football and you get paid for them to watch you dazzling the opposition with football skills not yelling at their reaction after a less than fruitful game.

Many would agree with me that football is no longer just a game, it has grown into much more than that. It is more commercial now, and therefore in business terms “The customer is always right”, so Rooney, the fans have the right to boo you, after all they are the customers in this case. I'm glad to see he apologised, now lets see some good football from the lad.

15 June 2010

For the duration of the tournament thus far I have been based in Gauteng, the main province with two host cites Johannesburg and Pretoria, the city of Champions. This being my first outing to a nearby city, Rustenburg, popularly known as the Platinum City I am haunted by images that the English quickly want to forget.

I am at the stadium where England played a 1-1 draw against the USA. One thing is for sure, it is cold today and I will need to stay warm during the match I am about to watch. New Zealand, they call themselves the All Whites and I must say they are not as robust as the All Blacks - their rugby team. They are facing Slovakia under the chilly weather with blue skies.

Slow-vakia, are they quick going forward? Newz-land, will they make the news for all the right or wrong reasons? I have a great appetite for this one considering what Paraguay did to the Italians, few chances on target and but still a goal was produced. Lets wait and see...

13 June 2010

Africa celebrates tonight after Ghana's solid perfomance that saw them overcome Serbia at Loftus Stadium, I call it the House of Pain or The Theatre Of The Vistors' Skull. One down, who is next? I pity Uruguay. Sunnyside, a popular clubbing zone about five minutes drive from Loftus Stadium has been painted green, red and yellow as the party begins. Most Ghanaians reside in the area, but today it's not about Ghana, it is about Africa as we shine! Waka waka!

This World Cup has many stories to tell, discoveries which will need a museum to keep for future generations. I just learned something new, when a goalkeeper errs we don't say he has butter fingers or worse say he is failure. The new term for a goalkeeper making what was formally called a mistake is, The Green Moment. I am not putting one across the England goalkeeper, he is a good fella, so why should I add to his misery?

Rooney this, Rooney that. I am tired of hearing this and I must say my 'witch doctor' tells me that Rooney will not even score a single goal in this World Cup. This prediction is like skating on thin ice, but his temper could cost the Manchester United man two matches. Somebody tell me, did you realise that the cameras spent more time on David Beckham than Rooney on the pitch let alone Fabio Cappello on that very same bench. Who is the coach really?

12 June 2010

So the sceptic and cynics watched with a keen eye on the opening day of the World Cup, waiting to pounce on any lose ends. From the organisational side to the information distribution end and happenings on the pitch, I bow to those who got their hands dirty to make a clean start.

Indeed this is arguably the most colourful tournament as fans from across the globe graced the streets with colour.

It is time for Africa and the continent is shining, it is indeed "waka waka" as Shakira and local music group Freshly Ground have be lauding. I have never been a big fan of William Shakespeare but I vividly remember one phrase from his book Macbeth when he said, "Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing."

Whatever criticism will be thrown at us now is but a loud sounding nothing as we have proved as a continent and as country in particular that what doesn't kill us can only makes us stronger.

Allow me to take my hat off now and say congratulations to Bafana Bafana midfield maestro Siphiwe Tshabalala for completing a dream half century of national team caps. What a way to mark such a milestone with an opening game of the World Cup and scoring an opening goal of the tournament, not forgetting being voted Man of the Match. Well done "Shabba". He surely lived to his other nickname, "Ntho tse monate" which means "Nice Things" in Sotho.

The celebration that the local boys performed surely had our visitors puzzled and entertained at the same time. If you were one of those who fall under the puzzled crew, let me solve the mystery for you. That dance was taken from a commercial that the team recorded for one of their major sponsors and it was remixed with the popular "Diski Dance".

In a casual chat with one of South Africa's legendary goal poacher Mark Williams, he expressed his disappointment at the chances that went begging, however remained optimistic that we will prevail to the next round.

"We played very well but missed too many chances. Come next game in Loftus we will win that one, if the Blue Bulls came and won it in Soweto then Bafana Bafana will also do the same there," he said, referring to the rugby giants based in Pretoria who just lifted the Super 14 title the first time they played their home game away.

Remember I told you South Africa is yet to lose the 13th game, so we have maintained the unbeaten streak, and now all that is left is for us to win the World Cup.

How did I forget this one, a warm welcome to Thierry Handry. My bad, wrong spelling, I mean Henry, the French striker who had his goalbound shot against Uruguay blocked ironically by hand and his appeals for a penalty were turned down in a goalless second game of the World Cup played in Cape Town, the Mother City.

My Dream

As a young blogger winning the award would certainly mean a lot to me and my confidence in particula

World Cup Success worth a million?

So Bafana Bafana will earn a million for every ball that finds the net and the man in black approves that its legitimate. Goodness, what is that? Why not tell these boys, did i say boys? My bad , i meant tell these men that they will get half a million should they score a goal and a million should that goal win them a match. Now thats motivation for me.

Guess what is happening now? There should be some serious counselling for these prospective millionaires. Our players are known of getting carried away with just a couple of thousands deposited in their accounts. Who do we blame for that? Our bosses who ignore development structures, players should also be developed financially.

What do you expect somebody who never earned a thousand rand to do when his first pay is Thirty thousand. It will surely get to his head , then things come out of his pants and juices go down the throat. The next thing the player kisses their career goodbye. Even Under 13 should be paid something relevent to a 13 year old's requirements.

It doesn't cost a thing

The greatest mistake one can eve3r make in life is love too much. When you are on the path where its posible that you might fall inlove take a life jacket as precation.

Being inlove means losing your self and forgetting who you are to make two personalities work. Love is all about compromises and you just need to shape up or ship out.

Do you ever wake up in the morningf and think about somebody who truely loves you? Somebody who would sacrifice even their last breath for you? Have you took a second or two to thank them?

It does coat a thing, not even an inch of your pride let alone dent your ego so just do it as it is the right thing to do. Kiss them and tell them how much you love them, how much you value them and how they mean to you. If you don't who will do it for you??

Do you wanna know why the girl child goes out looking for a sugar daddy? Then watch this space...

2010 AFCON WAS NOTHING BUT A MODELLING SESSION

If African football was granted the opportunity to stand in front of a judge justifying their plea for more World Cup places then it wouldn’t come as a shock if the continent’s case was thrown out for lack of evidence.

The Orange Africa Cup of Nations served as the perfect platform for the continent to prove their case beyond reasonable doubt in front of the eyes of Sepp Blatter and company. They managed to turn the event into a modelling affair in which they flashed their expensive designer boots and fancy hairstyles.

The Egyptians ran riot over everyone, but unfortunately they are not part of the “African Six Pack” for the World Cup.

“Zambia would be a better substitute for the old-age stricken Cameroon, or the overrated Ivory Coast who are more colourful on paper than they are on the pitch,” a football analyst friend told me

Without mentioning names, I regret to say CAF should consider prosecuting teams that take to the pitch only to offer a monotonous and dull adrenalin-killing encounter. Cameroon, Nigeria, Ivory Coast, Algeria and Ghana are all going to South Africa for the World Cup in June.

Based on the evidence gathered in the near post-mortem of the 2010 AFCON all the above teams, with the exception of Ghana, must fire their witch doctors, if they have any. I already fired mine, as she put me into poverty after I lost loads of money when gambling on Mali and Malawi as the underdogs.

The tournament has lacked the flair that usually defines African football, except for the beautiful celebrations after scoring. Asamoah Gyan of Ghana is one of the few who has dazzled defenders with slick skills and mesmerised fans with some hardcore dance moves... I hope Chris Brown was watching, should he need a choreographer for his next video.

Our so-called superstars from super leagues had nothing super to offer the drones of African fans, with the entertainment that we had anticipated falling short from those with the biggest reputations to save. Didier Drogba was probably preoccupied about which building will be named after him back home in Ivory Coast, and Samuel Eto’o looked out of sorts, perhaps missing the bright lights of Milan.

Everyone knows he is no Usain Bolt, but Cameroon’s Rigobet Song seemed to be at walking pace when running at his full speed alongside Zambian striker James Chamanga. Experience is worth a great deal, but without fuel in the tank a former super car can do nothing against a new model.

Algeria should be disappointed with their performance in last night’s semi-final defeat. After denying the Egyptians an opportunity to represent the continent at the World Cup, one would have expected total football from the Saadane-coached outfit. What did they show Africa? Perhaps a tutorial on how to turn a football match into a rugby scrum as often as possible, kicking the Pharaohs and finding themselves three personnel short at the final whistle.

Algerian defender Halliche Rafik and goalkeeper Chaouchi were red-carded as Algeria realised that they were no match for the rampaging Pharoahs and resorted to leg hacking. I hope they don’t do the same at the World Cup in South Africa.

Enough is enough, it's time to call a spade a spade. The culture of glorifying losers should come to an end and the players need to learn the error of their ways and that of their fans, praising teams who do not deserve the acclaim. There is no time, if the socks are refusing to be pulled up then take them off and run barefoot.

Ghana, who played one game short of the rest in the Group stages after Togo’s withdrawal, knew they would have to find a better excuse besides fatigue if they performed below par. The fact that their squad is made up mostly of young players would have been another excuse but they seriously outdid themselves, with especially their young backline coming to the fore as stars of the future in the making.

The young watertight defence of Isaac Vorsah, Lee Addy, Inkoom and the experienced Sarpei have done well for Ghana, although they conceded three goals against the Ivorians, but all things considered they looked like seasoned campaigners.

Having lost John Paintsil and Mensah to injuries, their defence looked really vulnerable on paper and the coach would certainly have to find a good reason to leave the youngsters out of the World Cup squad, because based on their performances in this cup they should have one foot in the mundial door. Playing African opponents is tough, but playing against opponents from different continents will be much tougher at the World Cup.

“Inkoom has proved beyond doubt that he is ready and capable of manning the right back position. He is much more of an attacker than a defender and may find it difficult dealing with sharp and very strong forwards when defending aerial balls due to his height and stature. Painstil has got it and that would work to his advantage,” said Boss Fm’s Stephen Amos, a Ghanaian journalist.

Who needs Panstil and Mensah when Inkoom stood tall despite his stature against Obafemi Martins and even out played the experienced Yakubu? Ghana might not win the AFCON but the youngsters played their hearts out and did everything right in a textbook fashion.

Ghana coach Milovan Rajevac’s defensive approach and no nonsense style of keeping the opposition at bay has worked tremendously for his charges and he was recently quoted as saying he is motivated by results-driven tactics.

“I’m not concerned about playing beautiful game, but playing for results. It is the result that counts, not possession. We came here to compete and not to play entertaining football. The most important thing is the result and not possession.” he said to Ghanaian television following one of the matches.

That is the truth I’m afraid, sometimes you must win badly, it is the results that bring medals not statistics of possession and a chain of unbroken passes. It worked for the four-time winners who have never reached the final since losing to Cote d’Ivoire on penalties in 1992 in Senegal.

As they are now in the final, Africans hope that they employ the same strategy again to make sure the World Cup stays in the host continent with an African winner for the first time in history.

Nigeria, who clearly believe in saving the best for last, only had one game in which they lived up to their nickname. The Super Eagles played brilliantly against Ghana but lady luck had not reported in their office as they fell by a goal to nil.

Heads must roll in the build-up to the World Cup, especially within the playing staff. The current technical team under the tutelage of Shuaibu Amodu have architected wins and a qualification for the World Cup, but too many players are basking in the 'comfort zone', convinced their places are assured, and they do little or nothing in outplaying themselves, or other better Nigerian league players for that matter.

The 4-3-3 is one formation that literally defines the words “total attack” in football, but the Super Eagles played with wet wings and made it look like the most defensive formula. Firing the coach won’t solve anything, as a complete overhaul is needed, and that includes the players as well. Prior to the 1990 World Cup in Italy, Cameroon bowed out of the AFCON in the first round. Somehow they put that lesson into good use as they went on to beat the mighty Argentina with the likes of Maradona, Batista and Buruchaga to reach the quarter-final for the first time in African football history.

That was a while back though, and Cameroon should not count on history to create further football memories in June this year. Algeria will also need to improve by then, but they will be happy to know that there is no chance of meeting Egypt in the World Cup, as the Pharaohs will be watching from their television screens.

The star-studded Ivory Coast side needs a team psychologist, somebody who would make them understand that they are trying too much and in the process make too many mistakes. This is a team which is a victim of its aspirations, as it has the best artillery on paper that would bring down even the Berlin Wall, but they now have a reputation for choking when expectations are at their highest.

If they can keep it simple, forget their high profile names and play as a team for the World Cup, and not lucrative contracts abroad, then they stand a good chance of causing a few upsets at the tournament. Maybe as of May this year the whole squad should be barred from reading newspapers, who give them all the glory without any proof on the international stage.

Finally, the sixth team in the World Cup, South Africa, should also work themselves ragged preparing for the tournament. Beating Swaziland and Zimbabwe does not mean its time to rest on their laurels. Swaziland have never qualified for the AFCON and they struggle even in COSAFA.

Its time coach Carlos Alberto Parreira and his staff realised that local is the way to go, and the local boys are better than a bunch of foreign-based bench warmers who always walk into the team.

A great deal of work needs to be done. They say "spare the rod and spoil the child". These six children of our African continent had better bend for this rod now because we are not taking excuses on July 11, 2010 if one of them does make it to the final.

Joel "Mr Mix It" Santana

Popularly known as "Mr Fix It" in Brazil for his amazing ability to save teams from relegation Joel Santana has just earned himself a new nickname , "Mr Mix It".

Since he arrived in South Africa in May last year as Carlos Alberto Parreira’s replacement as coach of Bafana Bafana, Joe Natalino Santana with his Brazilian style coaching has certainly failed to live up to his salary as he mixes things up.

On his debut at the helm of Bafana Bafana 'Papa Joel' as he is widely known by those closer to him had an acid test, playing the Super Eagle of Nigeria in their own backyard in Abuja.

In that match Bafana lost 1-nil and the signs of fixing turning to mixing were visible. He played Kagiso Dikgacoi as a right back and played Lance davids as a defensive midfielder when at club level the latter played as a right back and the former as a defensive midfielder.

Bafana Bafana are dwindling down the drain, come the world cup we will be the world's laughing stalk if this man doesnt ge his act together right now.

However a fourth place finish in the recent Confederation Cup showed Bafana Bafana that there are still rough around the edges, but that was arising from the ashes.Maybe it was the sound of the vuvuzela’s or the passion of the fans that lifted the players, but it seemed like Joel Santana’s Brazilian magic is working out right for the boys.

During his playing days Santana was a central defender maybe testifying to the strategies that employs that are all good at losing matches than winning.

In Brazil he still comands a lot of respect as one of the few managers to win the Campeonato Carioca (Rio de Janiero State Championship) with each one of the four big clubs of the state namely Botafogo, Flamengo, Fluminense, and Vasco da Gama.

As a defender he faced the slippery and nimble footed Pele, surely by now he should have realised that Aoron Mokoena is just not good enough to face seasoned campaigners in the striking force.

While some are arguing that the man deserve some form mof sympathy aned support as coaching Bafana Bafana is his first international Coaching Job, the man has cdone little to nothing in terms of consulting local mentors and Manqoba Mqithi could attest to that.

Born on Christmas day 25 December 1948, as things stand now he could get a one way ticket to Rio de Jenario as his birthday present from SAFA as the fans are calling for his head left ,right and centre.

Jomo sono and Shake Mashaba remain the favourites to inherit the job, for Jomo it wont be the first time as he was give an SOS call by SAFA to lead Bafana Bafana's Africa Cup of Nations exploits in Burkina Faso (1998).

SAFA's selection crateria remains in question as far as appointing foreign coaches to take charge of Bafana, take for example the appointment of the Frenchman Phillip Trossier. French and South African football are like water and oil if not Irvin Khoza's camp and that of Dan Jordaan as the two go head to head for the SAFa presidency.

There are currently two foreign coaches that could be the answer should SAFA remain convinced that local coaches are just not good enough, these are Luis Felipe Scolari and the Dutch magician Guus Hiddink.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

do the name given to a kid matter

The names give to children by parents seem to go a great deal in determining who we are and who one is not. As for former President Thabo Mvuyelwa Mbeki has experience the exact opposite of the meaning of his both names.

Thabo,a native name that means happiness. One who bears that name should be all smiles and not regreting the day he or she was born if names are meant to determine who we should be. With Julius Malema on sides there is nothing to keep Mr Mbeki in stitches as the former is always on attack . Even now that Mbeki is down Julius still shows what a coward he is who keeps kicking a man when he is down.

Mvuyelwa,a xhosa name that means the one was/is welcomed wit h tones smiles and happiness. Somebody who is welcome! Mbeki was not welcome anymore ,he was seen as enemy by his own comrades. Maybe the names given to him by his parents from the rural parts of the Eastern Cape are not his. Mazy anyone who knows his real name please enlighten us.

Julius Malema!! What a name ? Malema means somebody who works hard to achieve what he wants from the ground throw Farming. What does Julius mean?

It had to be something extra ordinary

Freedom of expression is one interesting right because when one practices it on others he enjoys it but when that person returns the favor a volcano of anger erupts. Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you,this might sound like some old and useless cliche but believe me its very practical and 'unfairly' fair.

Newspapers published a lot of articles and the broadcast industry also propagated the story of the ANC as abusing the justice system. All those stories fell to deaf ears and blind eyes of vocal leaders of under the tetulage of Jacob Zuma. Julius Malema never took a swipe at an of those mediums as he usually does.

Great work of Art ,a masterpiece so to speak.

It had to be something special that cold get the people and the ANC hotheads to realise what they where turning this beautiful country into. A cartoon on the Sunday Times by Jonathan Shapiro ,affectionately known as Zapiro among his fans who ironically include Cosatu leader Zwelinzima Vavi.

The cartoon dipicted Zuma unbuckling his pants to rape the justice system lady who was blindfolded and pinned down by Julius Malema,Gwede Mantashe and Vavi. In this cartoon Zapiro like a great artist will always do,he used rape as a metaphor for abuse which the justice system had to succumb to from the ANC.

Julius Malema as he usually does,went publicly and threatened Zapiro ,saying he will crush him. For what? If Zapiro insulted him then he should insult him back and no use violence.

Some women believe the cartoon will cause a lot of traum to rape victims,ai do agree with that. However Julius Malema with his statements of violence and aggression,such as.'we are prepared to shoot and kill for Zuma...', the words 'shoot and kill' also traumatise us ,me in particular after my uncle was fatal shot dead in Jbrg.

Julius refused to apologise for his hate speech against the justice system but he expects Zapiro to apologise. What for,if he Malema was interpreted out of context as he said then its fait to say Zapiro was also interpreted out of context and should also stand by his decision not to apologise.

Ironical on the following Monday after the cartoon was published, Zapiro won an award of the BEST HUMOURIST. That tells you a lot by the guys presentation and ways to keepo the people in stitches.

I believe for that great,extra-ordinary cartoon that served as a mirror to the unruly leaders of today Zapiro should walk on the Grammies and Nobel Price red capert with one of their trophies. Keep up the good work Zapiro

It would be unfair dismissal

Yeah sobotage and jealous is the middle name of some people. I mean since when has somebody's sex life determined who that person is and what he cah do which is not even close to sexual nature. It has emerged in the papers that there are people who are framing or rather blackmailing the Sprinboks coach with an alleged sex tape.

It is alleged that Peter is blackmailed into fielding a certain player. Who is that player anywhere? This is a very unfair way to get rid of the coach from his job. So far he has had mixed fortunes, such as performing below par for a team that beras the title 'World Champions' but he made history by guiding the Boks to their famous Dundein Victory over the All Blacks.

It is a fact that Peter is not experienced to the level thats required in any other Boks coach no even close to his predecesor Jake White. So why look for reasons not related to rugby to get rid of Peter,he can even successfully sue for unfair dismissal if fired for such a reason. It is not Peter's sex life or his colour that dishes out his rugby philosophy so live the coach alone.

Rather get him fired or to step down by inviting him to the board room and say ' listen Peter you made history by beating New Zeland in their own slaughter house and got a recorde win over Australia at Cocola park but the team is not performing as it is expected to considering we are world champions. Your tactics are not suitable for our natural style of play so you are Fired'

My point is get rid of him only for a rugby related reason,not his private personal life or the colour of his skin.

the person that i am

You probably been asking your self who is this Clyde ' Slyde'!! Well today i am here to answer that question. Well i don't mind even it you call me by name,nickname or my surname Tlou(Sotho surname meaning Elephant).

I am a 'but-poet',meaning my poetry work is easily identified by the word 'But' which features more in every writting of mine. I also mix the modern English together with Shakespearan type of English. As far as religion is concerned,yes i am religious and i belive in the Supreme God. My theory says which ever midiator one choses to use is good as long as the massage is going to the man above. I mean some chose to send massages with letters,Fax,e-mail,telephone and nowadays instant massages with cyber chats. As long as the massage will get to the intended target it doesnt matter what channel you choose. I pray to God and i use the channel called Jah,the conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah,Elect of God and King of Kings of Ethopia.

As a poet i have or rather i come across with hardships as far as my school work is concerned bacause i tend to be more elaborate in my poteic side. People always advice me to more clear because poetry can be vague at times and needs time to interpret. Thats probably one of major weakness .simplicity!! Poetry interfers in my every writing and this happens unconciously. Thats the real me,i would welcome an help in that department.

as my profile has already said i am an extrovet who believes life is what you make it to be and the choices you make. A cat is the animal that best describes me because no matter how hard,bad or nerve wrecking a thing could be i will always fall on my feet like when a cat is thrown down. Ironically ,i have a serious phobia for cats!! They send shivers down mine spine,i am no superstious though.

Cricket is my life!! I love the sport with all my heart,lungs,liver and intestines!! My all time favourite player is South Africa's own Jonty Rhodes and currently i just adore,admire and like the man they call 'Gunther-The Germarn Mountain Man' ,Andre Nel and ofcourse the blistering Abraham Benjamin De Villiers a.k.a 'A.b'.

*Of all the loud things i know,non will dare beat mine pen!!(clyde 'slyde' tlou)

Finally a dream set to come true!!

I was thrilled this past week to here that one of the movements that fihgts any form of injustices in society are at advance stage of negotiations with ICASA to obatin a broadcasting licence. I mean we have a lot or rather should i say a variety radio staions meant for a community of interest. I often felt there is deserving community that still doesn't have an ultimately dedicated radio station.

Rastafarians.

The sons of His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie are undoubtly champiuons of human rights and preach the true values of Ubuntu. The spirit of brother and sisterhood. It time there are given the platform to propagate ttheir beliefs and theories. The Jah above surely read their missive and has responded with what would make a lot of dreams a reality and see sanity being preached and be prevalent again not only in the Rainbow Nation but in this blanket that dress those who have left. I mean really Raggae music is not give an equal exposure as other genres and this radio station is set to do just more than enough and will help people to understand that hemp or marijuana is not a drug but people mqake it a drug by abusing it. Most of the people if you ask them about local raggae,they will tell you about established artists only such as the late Lucky Dube but whre are those other upcoming artists?

This is a big moment like Barack Obama would have said,wish all descendats of lineages of Ethopia all the best. Make this a moment not to rejoice upon but to promote Change!!

Isn't it strange........??

Isn't it strange that things don't become the way we wish or dream they could be. I mean things just happen and maybe its really true that life is unfair. Then why there was the word fairness when it exists in something thats not fair.



I remember i once dated this other lady which the name is known to me and will not disclose it to anyone. Reason being i have to protect her dignity and intergrity.

I knew she love me,and there was nothing that could make me or anyone doubt that but i couldn't love her back. I am sure she could see it too,i tried to force my self to love her but still i failed. that was one time ever in life that i had to take a bow and aknowledge that am a failure and had failed undoubtedly.



Now don't mind the little story above the thing i want to talk or ask you about is why can't we love those who really love us. Instead those whom we chose to love they dont love us as we do or atleast enough to fit the description of a true love affair.



Chances are very high that when you love you partner more than any word,phrase or cliche can tell then he is not even close to be called somebody inlove worse of all with you. Again somebody tell me why can't those we love atleast return the love than crumble us with nothing but tones of hurt and hardcore pain?

cyber life.......

It has become a norm these days in homes,schools,work place and sporting grounds people complaining about lake of attention from ythe others. The reason eing technology that brought cyber interaction. People especially children who must be busy buildin a future for tommorow yet the wake up daily going to school and yet you find the smiling with their phone below the table on their laps. There are chatting,and the lecturer is busy giving a lecture.



well i do agree some lectures are boring and would end up making you be in the land were everything is possible,the dreamland. I mean some lectures actually are meant to make you adrenalin pump faster but the person who delivers them to you actually turn them into some monotonous and hipnotising. They become just a loud sounding nothing,but that doesn't mean you should engage your self in things such as cyber chats as this will disturb you concetration.



in the mall ,if you see somebody with their eyes glued to the screen of the cell phones believe me you would win a lottery even without a ticket if 99% of those people are not on cyber chats. This cyber business has the good side though because you get to meet people who are willing to listen and those you feel free to tell what you have not even told the so called best friends.



There trained and natural psychologists,those people would give you the best advice ever. Yet there are just strangers(sigh),but you find yourself confiding them with you most intimate top secrets and information. Cyber life!!! I have met some who where considering suicide after there was no one to listen to then when they wanted to talk. I counselled some,but i never had an training in that field maybe thas just a hidden talen that i never knew.



I have been told secrets which if i would write here some would argue that i am using one of my artistic talent in writting to creat such a story. I find it hard to quit cyber chatting because i have met people who inspired me a lot into doing things. My dearest Sharon taught me never to give up on my drean as a cricketer and poet,Sinako always tell me that i will some day make a change in society through poetry and the media.



I also have tried all i can to support people who have a heart for other members of Society. My pal Fulu ,i wish you all the best wiyh your adoption plans. You deserve the highest seat in the hirarcy of humanity

.......and it became known as a Teddy bear!!

In November 1902 the then United States of America President Theodore Roosevelt who was the leader of the Republican Party was invited to a bear hunting expedition. He was popular for his ‘cow boy’ personality and was a self confessed hunting enthusiast. The expedition was set to take place near the Smedes town in Mississippi.

The big day came, his Excellence the 26th President of the USA was out with his hunting party or team. It turned out to be a bad and unsuccessful day. The hunting guide Holt Collier was however determined to find a solution as the President’s reputation was at stake. With the help of dogs Holt tracked down a 235-pound bear. He managed to club it overhead from a waterhole. He then tied it to a nearby tree and the messenger was sent to call the President. All the dirty work had been done and it was left to Roosevelt to pull the trigger on the poor animal.
On arrival the President felt remorse for the powerless, bleeding and worn out bear. He refused to shoot the bear or let anyone do so. However, the dog ravaged bear had still had a sad ending. His Excellence order went on to order the liberation of the animal from its pain and misery with a hunting knife.

Reporters and members of the hunting team began to spread the dramatic news nation wide. The story touched many American souls. Above all it inspired the cartoonist and a couple owning a shop in New York City.

Clifford Berryman was a political cartoonist of a publication known as the Washington Post. Typical of artists, he also got the inspiration to produce what turned out to be the most popular cartoon. The cartoon showed Roosevelt standing and without interest to shoot the helpless and tied up bear.

The cartoon went on to inspire a shop owning couple, Morris and Rose Michtom. Rose went on to produce two staffed bear toys and displayed at the shop window for sale. The couple claimed to have written to the President requesting for permission to name the toy after him.
His Excellence the President Theodore Roosevelt was popularly known as ‘TR’ to the public and ‘Teddy’ to his friends and those closer to him. The bear hunting incident brought about the name of what has become a popular token or present among love birds on occasions such as Valentines’ Day and anniversaries to name.

Normally if its not chocolate or flowers ladies receive the bear toys from the guys. The fluffy toys normally made up of a soft cushion-like fibre in the mould of a bear got its name from the combination of Roosevelt’s nickname and the animal’s name ,all inspired by the hunting expedition. It became and even today its known as a ‘Teddy Bear’. a name that the Michtom couple is believed to have been the first to use. However the original ‘Teddy Bear’ was given to the Smithsonians by Roosevelt ‘s grandson Kermit.

What rights...we do have them too

There great masterpiece architect William Shakespeare once said, life is but a walking shadow ,a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more. It is a story told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Well i do agree with him but i think some people too are just walking shadows of nothing. I mean before one opens their mouth to speak they should first call a discussion in their upstairs which shoould pit all their brains and senses.

how can somebody make noise and disturb other students and when politely request to save his/her acostics for the right moment the person stands up with unshunned confidence and i have the right to talk and make noise. Yes we know that you do have rights but i mean really we too have rights. Thats why i say whenever speaking your mind is a habbit then adopt another habbit which is listening to somebody's mind too. Reciprocals,thats what i am talking about...speak more and be prepared to listen more. If you don't want your rights to be violated the please i am pleading with you please don't infringe our rights to by making us listen to you loud sounding nothing. Sometime you even wish those people could be like subscription televisions and definately you woul not pay for such channels.

if you were the so called 'nasty type',you might end up find yourself having said something as: Dude you shopuld consider doing a transplant,coz those brains that you undoubtedly have but hardly use will be of greater use to somebody who needs them becuase to you there are surplus to requirements. So be good samaritan and give to charity those brains that are craving to work and you withholding them.

Thats insulting right? Well who do you blame,the insulted or the insulter? Tell me what you want my next blog to be about.....help me raise the volume of this silence!!